We don’t understand it, really.  In a day in age where we have an information super highway at our fingertips and access to virtually every gift imaginable, there are still those that come up short, year after year.  Grossly short, in fact.  Don’t find yourself amongst them! While you are busily coming up with that perfect, sexy and thoughtful gift just for your Valentine, here is our list of definite Valentine no-no’s!

Bathroom scales, weight loss books, gym memberships or anything at all weight related is a definite Valentine’s Day gigantic faux pas.

It’s a Weighty Matter:  Bathroom scales, weight loss books, gym memberships or anything at all weight related is a definite Valentine’s Day gigantic faux pas.  We realize that deals on these items are everywhere post-Christmas, but avoid the temptation to score a good price on one of these for your Valentine, unless you really want to spend your holiday alone.

Date Night…with the Kids:  Uh, sorry guys–Valentine’s Day is not a family affair.  This holiday is made for couples and romance.  Don’t fudge on getting a baby sitter–and if you are having difficulty finding one for your celebration, forego your plans until a more opportune time.  Hauling the little ones around on your date is NOT going to be anyone’s idea of a passion inspiring date.

Tacky Jewelry:  You might think that the engraved necklace touting “I love you more than I love beer” gets your point across perfectly.  Trust us on this; however, your special lady is likely to vehemently disagree.

Glow in The Dark Bra:  This falls into the category of “it seemed like a good idea at the time.”  Sure, finding exactly what you are looking for in the pitch dark seems like practical fun, right?  The problem is, not too many women are going to have a lot of appreciation for having their breasts adorned in flashing neon.

Coupon for anything involving “love”:  Don’t give coupons for hugs, kisses, or other love-related activities.  If you want to make some coupons for Valentine’s Day, use them for something other than xxx’s and ooo’s.  (A coupon for a detailed car wash might be okay.)  Give your Valentine all the hugs, kisses and other physical gestures of amour she craves freely and liberally– never put them on a coupon to be used as a gift.

Sticky, messy and let’s face it–novelty aside, in practical use this just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Candy Bra or Edible Underwear:  Sticky, messy and let’s face it–novelty aside, in practical use this just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  Real sexy lingerie that doesn’t attract ants is going to score you a heckuva lot more points with your sweetheart.

Drugstore Chocolates:  Nothing says, ‘I Love You’ like a box of Whitman’s from Walgreens–NOT!  Unless you are trying to tell your Valentine, “I just didn’t care enough to think about this more than just 5 minutes ago.” Avoid this major Valentine’s mistake altogether. 

Animal or Baby-ish PJ’s:  Sure they make them look so cute, furry and appealing in the pictures–but does any grown woman really want to wear this get up, tail, feet and all?  If you are looking for sleepwear for your Valentine, stick with something elegant and classy, don’t’ try to dress her as if she was 3 years old.

Suck it Up:  Vacuums, dustbusters, toasters and blenders–all are going to send a message to your Valentine and it isn’t a good one.  Stay away from anything on the small (or large for that matter) appliance aisle, no matter how well intended or perhaps even necessary, they are never appropriate for Valentine’s Day.

Porn:  Guys, please…. don’t buy some porno flick or other related media for your gal on Valentine’s Day.  Save it for a rainy day perhaps but Valentine’s Day isn’t it, even if it is raining.

Clappers, Chia Pets, fancy grating gizmos or anything from an infomercial is a lousy Valentine’s gift.

Gimmicks:  Clappers, Chia Pets, fancy grating gizmos or anything from an infomercial is a lousy Valentine’s gift.  Yes, we agree, the commercials make them look like everyone in America needs them right now!  That said, however, you should likely get yours on a different day.

Money:  Even though most people enjoy cash, there is little that could be less romantic than a $20 dollar bill stuffed into a card.  (But, hey, we give you credit for getting the card.)  If you are truly out of ideas, at least get your gal a gift card to her favorite haunt; it’s a tiny bit better than just handing her cold hard cash.

Nothing:  Yeah, that means you!  Valentine’s Day haters will find any and every excuse in the book to just avoid this holiday altogether with a whole lot of Captain Cranky excuses involved.  Showing up with nothing on Valentine’s Day will make your sweetheart feel badly whether she admits it or not.  If you aren’t a cutesy, sentimental type of guy, cook a nice meal for her and buy her a thoughtful card–any guy should be able to handle that.