Remember that movie from a few years ago called, “What’s Your Number?” Ally, (Anna Faris) agonizingly looks back on the twenty men she’s slept with during her life, taking some heat from her friends who now warn her that because of her high number, the odds of finding a good guy who will actually want to marry her are becoming stacked against her. Whether this reality is fair or not, the truth of the matter is, there is an unwritten social policy out there. What’s good for the goose is not necessarily good for the gander. It seems that although sexually skanky behavior might be something that is high-fived or even applauded in a man’s world, this kind of sexual prowess, when equated to females is still frowned upon by many; including that man you might actually want to have for your very own. Even in our modern world, girls who have slept around often find themselves being judged. Why the inequality? Aren’t girls allowed to have fun, too?
The truth is, there is a huge double standard out there. Men are almost expected to be sexually experienced; in fact, most women seem to prefer men that know what they are doing in the bedroom. Men however, are a different breed and when it comes to the past sexual experience of the woman a man may be dating, she who has a very vast bedroom repertoire can be viewed more negatively, at least when it comes to being potential “wife material”. Many men do tend to get wrapped up in a woman’s “number” (meaning the number of sexual partners she has had) and if it’s above his personal threshold of what he’s comfortable dealing with, well, that girl might be history. The number is likely somewhat arbitrary and what it can be does depend on the man—but you can bet that most guys have an idea in their head of what they can live with, and what they can’t.
AskMen.com did a very comprehensive survey in 2013, asking men about how they felt about this somewhat touchy subject. 39% of the males surveyed indicated that they would be bothered if a woman they were in a relationship with had had 10 or more past sexual partners. Nine percent of the men surveyed indicated that they would be upset about her having more than just one other past sexual partner. The interesting part of this is that according to the 2013 Annual Men’s and Women’s Health sex survey, of the men who responded, 35% indicated they preferred their potential lovers had 3 or less past sexual partners, yet all of these men had more sexual partners than this amount themselves, obviously creating a big double standard. As archaic as this notion may seem, it seems that in many circles, men are still valued for their sexual proclivity while women are valued more for their perceived naïveté and purity, particularly by men who may be considering these women for any potentially long term relationships.
Because of all these harsh realities in the dating world, women have been known to conveniently begin to disregard, completely discount, or just “not count” various sexual partners that have little, if any significance in the big picture because they know that once their personal “number” starts getting into the double digits, whether she likes it or not, she may be negatively judged. Nobody likes to mislead or tell big white lies at the beginning of a relationship, but the truth is, not many men want to be with a woman who they perceive as being overly easy, either. The biggest part of all this conflicting information is the notion that men seem to have that although they think they want this almost innocent virgin, once she is his girlfriend, the woman is then somehow expected to become this complete sex maniac. In fact, most men would say this is highly encouraged. And they say women are confusing!! There’s no point in crying over spilt milk, but if you’ve had a few one-night-stand’s too many, it could be time to consider a new strategy.